The day has come: I’m 30 now. And yes, it feels weird. I still have to get used to the fact that I’m a ‘grown-up woman’ now. At least my 30s are beginning appropriately with a new grown-up apartment, into which I moved yesterday at last (yes I’m back in Germany, by the way), and a new job soon (probably). So I guess I’m not doing that badly.
During the last months of my 20s, especially during my big trip, I’ve met quite a few people telling me how much their lives changed for the better after their 30th birthday. At 30, you’re not old yet (30 is the new 25, after all) but you’re much closer to yourself than as a 20-year-old. More self-assured and self-aware, because the worst part of the search for your true identity is behind you (at least it is for me). I can feel it: I’m on the right path, even if I can’t see the destination yet with absolute clarity. Maybe the freedom of the 20s is over now, but there’s another kind of freedom awaiting me now, and I’m looking forward to find out what it’s like!

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

This little wisdom by Mark Twain is so widely quoted that it might have become a cliché already, but that doesn’t make it any less true and if I ever will be asked to write something into an autograph book again, it will be these words.

Right now, I’m still in sunny, easy-going Byron Bay, Australia. The first half of my Asian-Pacific journey is over already, with two more months to go.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been only about four months ago that I finally decided to really do it and leave the German winter behind for a while. I have been dreaming of travelling around Asia and Australia for years. Travelling at all. Going to countries with white beaches, palm trees, tropical forests and foreign cultures – and not just for a standard two-week holiday. But I have kept putting this dream off and off and off, until now. Why, you’re wondering? Well, there always was something that seemed to be more important: graduating from high school, find the right study course, finish it as quickly as possible, find a job, establish myself as a professional… You know, the things you’re supposed to do in life.

And right now, it would seem more sensible to not waste any time and money and quickly find a new job. Just think of the gaps in the CV! But life has thrown a chance right in my face and I’m not going to let it pass again.
Because if there is one thing the last year has taught me, it is to not put aside your dreams and needs for something that has more to do with the standards of others than with your own. Like Mark Twain said: Life is short. And it even can be over much sooner than we think. And we don’t have another one we can simply fall back on (reincarnation doesn’t really count here). These are not new ideas by any means, but it’s still astounding how many people aren’t fully happy with their lives but don’t do anything about it.

What is it that is keeping so many of us on the beaten path (and not just regarding the job)? Usually, it’s a viscous blend of material security fears, social conventions, expectations of others, and the like. For so many, life seems to be just about avoidance. Avoidance of any kind of potential catastrophes – small or big, real or just imagined, from actual poverty to losing the acceptance of the peer group.
While there are a lot of real constraints, most are just in our heads and only become so important and scary because we are constantly told that they are. Maybe by ourselves. Most people don’t even notice anymore how they are wearing the corset of social expectations. Or they just accept it, because, hey, that’s the way life just is, isn’t it?

Eventually it’s all about the big question: What is life about? What does it mean to live?
Well, if you’ve been hoping for the final, all-encompassing answer, I have to disappoint you. For now. I’m still in the process of figuring out what all of this actually means for me. It’s not just about going on an extended vacation. But definitely not about quitting the normal life with careers, ambitions and everything either.
But what I know already is: I want to feel alive instead of simply ‘being lived’! I definitely don’t want to feel so hesitant anymore by worrying too much about what’s considered to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ from the outside. I want my life to be mine; be the pilot of my own ship. Be self-determined, spontaneous and courageous. I want my life to be magical!

By going to Australia and Asia, I’m already living up to one of my new-life resolutions: Taking chances! Or in other terms: Just do it – don’t let chances pass out of an abstract fear to do the ‘wrong’ things. Don’t stay in the safe harbour all life and just dream of the wide sea.
My journey is a good opportunity to create a distance to my old life, to find myself on my way and then be able to come back again with my real self. Or at least a rough idea what my real self could be like.

(Image by Hot Meteor)

The insane stress of last year, the strenuous preparations of this 4-months trip, and the circumstances of travel itself all led to me being cast away for so long. But as I’m slowly regaining motivation and perspective, I’m also starting to be ready again to communicate with the world. I don’t want to promise anything as of yet – because I’ve made announcements like that in the past and it has never really worked out very well – but when did I ever have so much time for this little island than I have now? And I really do want to put it back on the map. Now I just have to get to grips with how to blog while on the road…

Even though I don’t have the time to watch award shows like the 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards anymore, I always make sure to check out the red carpet styles afterwards. This time, I don’t have a hard time to pick the winner of my personal best-dressed list: It just has to be Olivia Wilde in a pale blue dream by Marchesa, hands down. This is not a mere gown, this is sugar icing on the body of a beautiful woman, turning into soft, playful ruffles at the bottom – which make Olivia look even more like a polar fairy princess. Also the hair, make up, jewellery, the clutch – it all looks perfect and complements the dress beautifully. A fashion epiphany!

For a lot more red-carpet styles of the Emmy night, check out the the Cut slideshow.

Img source: Celebutopia / via The Fashion Spot

Und wieder ist ein Trailer erschienen, den ich einfach posten muss: Diesmal ist es der Teaser für The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Ja, genau der Film, der Anfang letzten Jahres schon während des Drehs traurige Berühmtheit erlang, als sein Star Heath Ledger an einer Medikamentendosis starb und einen ratlosen Terry Gilliam am Rande des Aufgebens zurückließ. Doch für Heath Ledger sprangen gleich drei Kollegen ein (Johnny Depp, Jude Law und Colin Farrell) und das Imaginarium konnte doch noch zum Leben erweckt werden.

Der Trailer erinnert an den von Alice in Wonderland – doch Doctor Parnassus scheint noch dramatischer, bildreicher und surrealer zu sein – aber auch düsterer und befremdlicher. Ich selbst neige ja eher zu den ästhetisch-verzaubernden Traumwelten, wie sie zum Beispiel im Trailer zu The Lovely Bones zu sehen sind. Doch die kontroversen Reaktionen, die der Film seit seiner Weltpremiere in Cannes ausgelöst hat, haben mich neugierig gemacht auf das skurille Imaginarium des Dr. Parnassus. Nicht zu vergessen die faszinierende eigentliche Geschichte, nämlich die von Parnassus’ magischem Spiegel, der die Grenzen zwischen Realität und Fantasie verschwimmen lässt – wie es bei critic.de so schön beschrieben wird:

Der Spiegel, der die Filmgeschichte als Motiv wie ein roter Faden durchzieht, dient dabei als Medium des Übertritts in eine andere Welt. Durchschreitet man diesen, tun sich Phantasiewelten und paradiesische Zustände auf – sei es ein Meer aus Schuhen, schillernde Unterwasserlandschaften, ein mystischer Zauberwald oder Hügel, von denen die Leitern in den Himmel wachsen.

Und auch wenn es ein Klischee ist: Den letzten Auftritt von Heath Leadger will ich mir auch nicht entgehen lassen.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus erscheint am 3. Dezember 2009 in den deutschen Kinos.